Burn After Reading

Return

Ben — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 02:47:15 +0000

Rebecca has returned from the Empire of the Rising Sun. Jet lag is still taking its toll, and NYC is a lot noisier than Chosei Mura, so there’s still a lot to get used to. However, progress is being made. She’s got a phone here now, and everything she had sent home in boxes, as well as her actual luggage, has been unpacked and put away (much to her boyfriend’s relief). So she’s home now, and we’re all still trying to figure out what the further implications of that are, and we everyone goes from here.

One thing’s fur sure: Japan will never be the same.

– Ben

Egon called it (a few decades too early)

Ben — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 17:45:02 +0000

But now it’s official: Print is Dead.

– Ben

In Other News…

Ben — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 20:21:07 +0000

The Apocalypse has apparently begun. I weep for the future.

– Ben

Kim Jong Un Hungry!

Ben — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 20:08:33 +0000

A mere 2 months after his dad died, Kim Jong Un agreed to suspend North Korea’s nuclear testing in exchange for 240,000 metric tonnes of food.

Might last him the whole month.

– Ben

Racing back up the charts

Ben — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 22:03:01 +0000

I was walking up Crescent St to get lunch today, and I passed by some scrap metal shop about a block or two south of the Queensboro Plaza train station, and the sounds of How Will I Know wafted through the air, and that’s when I realized, here we go.

All her albums are going to be re-released. And they’ll sell millions of copies. Again.

Dammit. Just when I thought we were finally rid of her. She’s going to stick around like Tupac.

– Ben

I’m feeling a bit better…

Ben — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 19:55:25 +0000

A cough is one of very few things in this world that can be more productive and less persistent at the same time.

Ah, I just had the flu for a week. Sue me.

– Ben

Unexpected

Ben — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 16:46:08 +0000

I was in Times Square the other night, and I saw an ad for the final season of Desperate Housewives. I was quite surprised, because I could have sworn that the show had died three years ago. That’s what not having regular TV service will do for you (between Bittorrent, Netflix and Hulu, I’ve got nearly everything I need). – …

Wow I Am So Over Star Wars

Ben — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 23:50:25 +0000

I started to realize it sometime around this time last year, when the big Super Bowl ad was the Darth Vader kid. And now this year the #1 ad is again for VW, this time featuring a chorus of dogs barking the Imperial March. That’s when it became crystal clear to me, and it was a little painful to have to admit it to myself.

I don’t really like Star Wars any more.

I grew up on Star Wars. Technically I saw the first one in its initial release at a drive-in theater, though I don’t remember much of it (being 4 at the time). My parents still have boxes full of figures in the attic that they occasionally try to foist off on me. For years, there were three beautiful films to watch again and again and again, and all kinds of books, magazines, comics, RPGs, and other side material to enjoy. Then came the Special Editions, the Prequels, the CGI spin-off TV show, and now they’re doing it all over again from the beginning, only this time in 3D.

That’s when I said “I’m done. Enough, already.” Now there are people who say “Yeah, sure the Prequels sucked, but that doesn’t take away from your enjoyment of the original movies, right?” Actually, it does. I tried watching the originals recently, and every appearance of Darth Vader is now forever marred by images of Jake Lloyd crying and Hayden Christensen being whiny and awkward.

As for the Super Bowl ads, for me, the best of this year’s crop was the Audi ad featuring headlights strong enough to dust Edward Cullen’s buddies, and the kid that’s heading off to college, so his parents decided to surprise him with a mini-fridge, but inadvertently placed it on the front lawn, right next to someone else’s brand new Camaro.

Also, screw Matthew Broderick for making everyone think that there might be a new Ferris Bueller movie in the works several weeks ago, when it turns out it was just a Honda ad. I’ve not really been happy with his work for several years now. Godzilla was where everything really started to go wrong (though the reasons for that movie being horrible were not his fault), then Inspector Gadget, and then it was all just downhill from there.

What I’m waiting to see: Super Bowl attack ads. Considering the state of political ads these days, it really is the next logical step.

– Ben

Hi-Fidelity Audio

Ben — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:34:04 +0000

As a life-long pedestrian and long-time automobile passenger, I often notice similarities in the walking and driving experiences. In fact, one of the reasons I am adamant that I’d be 12 kinds of unholy hell behind the wheel is how angry I get at other pedestrians when just walking around. If an old lady gets in front of me and proceeds to shuffle along at .05 mph and it makes me want to beat her head in with a tire iron, how much worse would it be if I were actually driving?

But I digress.

The point of today’s story is this: Ever been at a red light, and seen one of those douchbags pull up that has a monster stereo system set up in his trunk, except that the speakers are blown and every time a bass note hits, the whole car (and your teeth) rattle and buzz?

I had that on the train today, but it was coming from a person. Just a hint: When the bass notes coming from your earbuds buzz like that and everyone around you can hear it, it’s time to get new ones (and I’m not talking about the cheapo ones from the dollar store), because it sounds like you are farting continuously.

– Ben

Reverence, or lack thereof…

Ben — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 06:37:31 +0000

There seems to be some kind of taboo about speaking ill of the dead, and it’s amazing to witness the most hardened bastard on the face of the earth suddenly becoming a beloved saint in the eyes of all his loved ones once he’s kicked off.

Well that’s no fun.

Very few people (though not none, at least) seem to want to, so I’ll just go ahead and say it: Steve Jobs was an ass. A smug, self-righteous egomaniac at the center of his own little cult — I say ‘little’, but let’s face it, there are millions of Apple fanatics out there clamoring to get their hands on the latest iDildo, even though it’s already obsolete by the time they get it home. But now he’s dead, so the only thing that anyone’s able to say is “the world has lost a great visionary.” Don’t get me wrong, he was a human being, and I can sympathize with his family. But that doesn’t change the fact that there were occasions where he was an complete jerk of absolutely mind-blowing proportions.

I’m proud to say that I’ve never owned an Apple product, and I’ve never had iTunes installed on my computer (for more than 5 minutes). This is just yet another reason to hate the brand.

Meanwhile, hello Android. Open source, and infinitely configurable. And on a tablet that’s lighter and faster than the iPad 2? I’m sold.

– Ben